ootsfandomcom-20200222-history
Their Concierge Service is Heavenly
}} Roy checks in to the Celestial Realm. Cast * Roy Greenhilt (as spirit) ◀ ▶ * Eugene Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Bureaucratic Deva ▶ * Doorman Deva * A Dead Adventurer Transcript Roy: I can't believe you never told me that this stupid oath would keep me out of the afterlife. Eugene: I didn't know! Not until after I was dead, anyway. Roy: Being dead didn't stop you from harassing me every night in the dungeon. Eugene: You have to understand, there are all sorts of rules about what you can or can't do when you manifest as a spirit. We're not allowed to directly assist Julia at all, much less fight Xykon ourselves. Eugene: Frankly, we got lucky when I hijacked Shojo's summoning spell. I was able to skirt all sorts of restrictions until he sent me back. Bureaucratic Deva: Excuse me, Mr. Greenhilt? Roy and Eugene: Yes? Bureaucratic Deva: The junior Mr. Greenhilt? Roy: That's me. Bureaucratic Deva: Nice to meet you, sir. I'm the Bureaucratic Deva that's been assigned to your case. Roy: My...case? Bureaucratic Deva: Yes, we need to determine your postmortal residential status in order to speed you on your way. A glass-topped desk with computer and rolling chairs appears beside them, "poof!" Bureaucratic Deva: Why don't you have a seat at my desk while we review your life and try to figure out if the Celestial Realm is right for you? Eugene: Don't even bother, honey. He's an oathspirit, just like me. You're just going to tell him— Bureaucratic Deva: With all due respect, sir, we have a system for deciding such things— The Deva is surrounded by while light. Bureaucratic Deva: One presided over by ACTUAL beings of pure Law and Good! Eugene: *gulp* Bureaucratic Deva: Now, Mr. Greenhilt, where were we? Roy: Not that seeing my father get put in his place wasn't satisfying—because it really, really was—but he does have a point. Isn't his little foray into Blood Magic going to tie my soul to the mortal realm until Xykon is destroyed? Roy: Besides, I'm probably going to get raised from the dead pretty soon anyway. Bureaucratic Deva: All the more reason to get the paperwork out of the way now, sir. Bureaucratic Deva: If we examine your life and find you worthy of entering the Celestial Realms, when you are raised and subsequently killed—and clear up this Blood Oath nonsense—you'll be ready to ascend. Bureaucratic Deva: That way, we can "fast track" your entry procedures, and have you on your way to eternity that much faster. Cut to a revolving door in the afterlife manned by a Deva. A green-cloaked adventurer approaches. Doorman Deva: Welcome back, sir. Will you be staying long? Adventurer: Only 'til morning, old chap. Doorman: More's the pity. Oh well, I shall have the serving staff ready your usual accommodations. Cut back to Roy and the Deva. Roy: Huh... I always thought the "revolving door afterlife" was just a metaphor... Bureaucratic Deva: Now, you are an adventurer, so that means you're eligible to earn Frequent Dying Miles every time you stay with us... D&D Context * The Celestial Realms are the Outer Planes ruled by beings of the Good alignment. There are three planes, one for each Good alignment: Mount Celestia, for the Lawful Good, Arboria, for the Chaotic Good, and Elysium, for the Neutral Good. There are also four transitional realms, Arcadia, Bytopia, Beastlands, and Ysgard, which reside at the intersection of these alignments and their neighbors. Trivia * Eugene impersonated a being of pure Law and Good in #267, #283, #284, and #290. External Links * 487}} View the comic * 54699}} View the discussion thread Category:Roy's Afterlife